A toothy subject...

Nope. It's not 2-year-old molars. It's actual biting.

Jimmy being bitten to be specific.

Yeah. Not. Cool.

After work yesterday, Michael and I went to pick Jimmy up from daycare school*. He was happily playing in a different room with a few of his classmates** and he was happy to see Daddy. I was chatting with one of the teachers, picking up Jimmy's things.

I looked over the wall that separates the two class rooms*** and Jimmy saw me. His face light up and he was excited to see me. I asked if he was ready to go home. He said "YES!" and stood up.

Now, while this was happening, the only other child in the room was trying to close the door, but it's tricky. It's a little bolt (there are bolts on each side - because toddlers), so he was fiddling with it.

Jimmy rushed to the door because he was ready to go home. He stood next to this child and I heard him say:

"No, don't..."

Now, it was either "don't go out there" or "don't! I'm going out there"...

Jimmy brushed the child's hand away and then Jimmy screamed.

He bellowed! He clutched the inside of his right elbow and cried.

The teachers quickly asked if Jimmy had been bitten. I told them that I hadn't seen any biting, that I'd seen the other child's face the whole time. It was probably a nasty pinch.

Michael scooped Jimmy up into his arms and we all saw the teeth marks. Totally not cool. The appropriate fuss was made over Jimmy and he was given an "ice pack", a small, wet square of sponge in a ziplock bag that had been frozen.

Everyone made a suitable fuss over Jimmy and I expressed understanding because these things happen. They shouldn't, but they do. The biter was taken out of that room and set down in front of the playground door****.

It took Jimmy about 30 mins to really get over it and then he was back to his usual self.

But this is the second time this has happened in the last week and Jimmy has been a little clingy at drop off since that event. And he was clingy at this morning's drop off. The teachers have been really good about this, but it's sad that a place Jimmy has felt safe at is now somewhere where he has felt unsafe.

And it's not his fault! Ok, so he can be bossy assertive and he is bigger and older than the biter, so the biter may have felt threatened, may have been tired, but violence is not acceptable and is never the solution.

The biter has recently started at the school and is not coping. There are any number of reasons the biter did what they did. I'm not trying to excuse the behaviour, I'm trying to understand it. These are children and they are learning so much, it can be tough and when they are overwhelmed they act out.

It might help Jimmy if he understands why the biter acts out the way they do, not so that Jimmy can tip-toe around them but so that Jimmy might help the biter feel safe at school and be less likely to bite other students. If Jimmy and the biter were a few years older, it would be possible to explain to Jimmy that making friends with the biter would help the biter settle into their new normal.

I want Jimmy to understand that the biter might have felt threatened but I don't know how to do this without it coming over as victim blaming. I want Jimmy to understand that if the biter did feel threatened there might be better ways to interact with them (without tip-toeing). And I want Jimmy to understand that we all deal with stress and perceived confrontation in different ways - and that some methods are more acceptable than others.

As the biter is younger than Jimmy, making both of them 2 years old, I think the situation requires understanding and compassion towards both parties. As parents though, we are fairly removed from what happens at the school, we have to leave the majority of the conflict-resolution to the teachers. The current status is "keep them apart" and Michael and I told Jimmy that he can avoid the biter.

I would be mortified if Jimmy bit another child and I don't know how we would address it, especially after the fact, which is usually how it happens with school. It's easy enough to explain things in the moment (yes, Jimmy has bitten me, but I'm his mum, it's not cool but it's different), but at 2 years old, talking about things that happened a few hours ago can be tricky.

Fingers crossed this situation blows over and the biter settles in (and loses that title). In the meantime, any advice would be greatly appreciated.


*They call everything from daycare to university "school". It creates a little confusion. Oh well.
**We roll with this "school" theme.
***There are three classrooms in the one room, separated by chest-height barriers, i.e. storage, shelving, and change tables. There are little, hip-height doors between the different classrooms (and a security door as the main entrance) and Jimmy's classroom has a door to the playground.
****A "sit down" is what they call it. It works best when the classroom is full and the naughty child has to sit out on the fun activities until they show an understanding that they have shown something to upset one of their classmates. It's good because the naughty child is missing out because of something they did, it's very gentle yet still makes the naughty child upset. In an empty classroom the biter was not put out.

Back to work: looking after myself...

I don't get enough sleep. I drink more coffee than I would like. I probably don't eat enough vegetables. I don't take the time to stretch or strengthen my muscles.

And I'm now working and Jimmy is still breastfeeding.

And I have a cold. It's not a bad one, the one I had while Grandma was here was worse, but I've still had to take time off work. There is a little of the changing seasons involved, putting another stress on my body, but it is the second cold I've had in a month and that's not cool.

So, what can I do? I can start by looking after me. As far as balancing my needs and my role as a mum, I think I have a fairly healthy balance (but I could still do with more sleep). Adding work into the mix has shaken things up and I need to rethink things.

Last week we started with Jimmy's night-time breastfeeding, mostly in response to two sleepless nights were I swear he spent more time feeding than sleeping and I don't sleep while he's breastfeeding, it just doesn't happen anymore. With Michael's help and support Jimmy is down to one night time feed, which happens around 3-4 am (I'm not including the bedtime breastfeeding or the first-thing-in-the-morning breastfeeding). The first few nights were rough, but now Jimmy is happy to have hugs when he wakes around midnight and he goes back to sleep. I'm calling it a win, but that 3-4 am breastfeed needs to go too... but it can wait a few more days.

Next on the list is my bedtime... I remember being good about sticking to a bedtime in highschool, but my parents might tell a different story. Whatever routine I had went out the window in the first few years of university and I just haven't managed to stick to a reasonable bedtime. It's always after 11 pm and it hasn't been working. Not for a very long time. Longer than I would like to admit. I went to bed a little after 10 pm last night, and it was good. A 10 pm bedtime is the dream, there is something magic about that number, at least in my head, and I'm beginning to think I really, really need to make it a priority and goal.

So, reducing Jimmy's night-time breastfeeding and going to bed earlier will help me get more sleep (and reduce my coffee intake somewhat). Now, for the veggies...

When I was at home, looking after Jimmy, we ate the same things, not always balanced but I think I was eating more as a stay-at-home-mum than I have been of late. There's point in the afternoons when I start getting sugar cravings, or protein cravings, and I'm hungry. I have been using coffee to fill this gap. Coffee with creamer... and it's a little gross. Tasty but gross. And when I get home and open the fridge, I see our jar of kimchi and all I can think about is hot rice, runny eggs, soy sauce, and kimchi. After eating about three bowls of rice, kimchi, and boiled eggs yesterday I think I have the craving quenched, but the combination now set to become my work afternoon tea.

Hopefully these steps (a little weaning, earlier to bed, a little more veg and protein) are what I need to start look after myself as the new normal stops needing the "new". A little more energy will make everything a little easier and get me out of bed early enough to do some stretches and see me through the afternoon slump.

Two

We celebrated Jimmy's second birthday last week. I would ask someone to pinch me, but Jimmy is so different from a newborn, so different from a crawling baby, and so different from an early walker.

The sounds that come out of his mouth are different too. Surprise, surprise. He imitates and copies, and if we're not careful he might start sounding like Ron Weasley, if Michael and I keep saying "bloody hell"...

We had a great day making a fuss over our little boy. The night before, Michael and I set up a tunnel outside the bedroom door and scattered Jimmy's presents throughout. We have built tunnels like this enough times that Jimmy knew what to do, and made for the emergency exit after opening his first present.

For breakfast there were strawberries and blueberries, just like last year, and this year there was cake. Wholemeal, almond meal, and honey, plus the usual eggs and flour etc. It was his birthday, and birthdays mean lots of cake, as far as I'm concerned, especially if it can pretend to be a healthy one.

There was a trip to the library, and one of Jimmy's presents (a matchbox car) joined us AND returned home - win! And there was a trip to Arrow, naturally. We were there after 5pm, and, because we didn't warn them the day before, they were all out of monkey bread... But Daddy was there before Jimmy and I, and so, the lovely staff at Arrow made some fresh monkey bread for Jimmy! What a birthday present! Even if Jimmy was unaware of the special treatment, Michael and I felt the love.

We took the monkey bread outside to do the whole blowing-out-the-candles thing (because none of us were sure it was ok to do it inside), and Jimmy was able to get up close and interactive - no burns, no fires, he was O.K. Then we went inside to enjoy the treat and the aircon.

Not that it was that hot. Once we were done, we head home, via our favourite footpath. And even though we had a gallon of milk to get into the fridge, we stopped at this little playground for a few slides.

A few... well... it was more like one slide and a bit of running around and investigating the equipment. It's a cute, well thought out playground. It just needs some shade cloth, and to be closer to home, and it would be perfect.

Slides are serious business. So is that tshirt Jimmy's wearing - it's a birthday present and it's just the loveliest cotton, soft and substantial and it's turning out to be a favourite already.

We fed a very tired boy pizza and more cake for dinner. Oh he was tired, but he knew what to do when we presented him with candles and started singing. He stayed up rather late, but that was ok because it was his birthday, and he had to have a red bath, just like Bunny.

Thank you so very much Granny & Pop, Grandma, Grauntie L, Auntie K, and CF & R for Jimmy birthday presents - Michael and I have been in denial, and reluctant to add anything to the list of things we need to bring back/give away, so we haven't actually given him a present yet. He is thoroughly enjoying all his presents, they are new and exciting and extending his knowledge and skills, and the clothes will come in handy.

And thank you Michael, for being Jimmy's Dad, for taking photos and letting me use them here, and for doing almost all of the tunnel building.

If you haven't read already read it, here's Jimmy's birth story.

No, I still can't quite believe it's been two years. Happy birthday little man!!

28/52

a portrait of my son, once a week, every week in 2015

Jimmy: Having a red bath, just like Bunny!

We celebrated Jimmy's second birthday this week. Second. This means he is 2.

Michael took this bathtime portrait of our birthday boy, who was enjoying an extremely bubbly bath, made red with food colouring, and his new bath toys from Grandma and Granny & Pop.

Happy birthday Jimmy!

Jimmy's first real haircut...

My beautiful, scruffy boy... His first haircut wasn't a proper one... And Daddy has been keen to remove the rest of the curls and scruff ever since. Me? I love those soft baby curls, the hair that is baby soft because it has never known scissors, all that hair that has appeared in the last 12 months.

Oh that hair! But I agreed that it was time. So the other evening, between our late afternoon swim and dinner, Michael and I went about the task of cutting Jimmy's hair.

We used the balcony because it would be easier to clean up the hairs, and strapped Jimmy into his highchair, used an old swaddle and some bulldog clips to cover him, and chocolate and raspberries to keep him happy.

Michael insisted on cutting Jimmy's hair, and as I had done the very, very first cuts, it was only fair that I stepped back and picked up the camera.

I suggested to Michael that he cut the hair around Jimmy's ears first, because it's recommended by the professionals (and it rings true to me after years of cutting the family dog's hair), and Michael did follow that suggestion. He ditched the comb pretty quickly... It was my suggestion to use it... But that comb is no good for helping with haircuts.

Jimmy was happy so long as he had raspberries or chocolate to eat and quickly prompted me for more treats when he had finished his last mouthful.

Those curls are gone... I was really enjoying those curls...

Once he had cut most of Jimmy's hair, Michael asked me to cut Jimmy's fringe and I may have done a little trimming as quickly as I could. There wasn't much hair to cut a fringe... Now there's even less.

That's Jimmy's "more chocolate" face on the left, and because I wanted to do one last trim around his ears Jimmy received his chocolate. See right for Jimmy's "hmmmm chocolate" face.

Done! I don't know how long it actually took us to cut Jimmy's hair, but I do know that he ate a lot of chocolate for a little boy, plus a lot of raspberries, followed by a fair amount of pasta for dinner.

The next day, Jimmy's haircut looked a little more Jimmy-esk, a little more scruffy, but a cleancut version. As sad as I am that the baby curls are gone, I do like the new haircut. Jimmy seems to like it too. How about you?


All photos taken by myself or Michael.

Over the weekend we...

I'm starting our weekend on Friday afternoon, because it just feels right. It was a relaxing afternoon, full of promise, and no rain. Last week was rather wet and rainy, which was lovely, because everything is green, but it wasn't conducive to spending time outside or even heading to playgroup - turns out it was actually closed most of the week due to minor flooding. But on Friday afternoon I took Jimmy to Cico park.

Jimmy went down the slides, tried out the merry-go-round, tried to catch a robin or two, insisted that I climb into the fake wagon, and join him going through the tunnel. He loves going through tunnels... there's a blog post to write... We had a nice time, even if we had less than an hour there, because we didn't leave in time to catch the earlier bus and because we had a date with Daddy planned (and the bus only comes hourly). So, we had to leave before Jimmy was really done going down the slides, but the promise of Daddy and a snack kept the grumbles away.

We were still enjoying cloud cover, but that does present its own problems, especially when it comes to taking photos. Light balance was my main issue for the weekend. Michaels' was a lense that is not working as it should.

Now, get a cup of tea, get comfy, as the following is photo heavy, because it's spring!

The DVD baby-sitter...

Yes, this time around, I've been employing the DVD baby-sitter while sick with a cold this week. It was really more a coincidence that we happened to have some Jimmy-suitable DVDs at home, and he kept asking to watch "Peter Rabbit on Daddy's computer". So, I let him watch Peter Rabbit on Daddy's computer.

Yes, I feel a little guilty. The screen time isn't really good for him. But it is beautifully animated, just as I remembered from when the series was aired on the ABC, way back in the 90s.

When I put it on in the mornings, after Michael has gone to work, Jimmy sits and watches the story of Peter Rabbit, glued to the screen while Peter runs around Mr McGregors garden, sneaks past a cat, and returns home to bed.

And then Jimmy gets up and moves around, plays with this, that, and the other. He cares that the DVD is still running, but he's not really very interested in the rest, although he does like the tale of Peter Rabbit and Benjamin Bunny. We even had a second DVD from the series, but it never interested Jimmy as much as the one with the tale of Peter Rabbit.

The only explanation I have for this, is that he knows the story of Peter, and not the other characters. We picked up an abridged copy of Peter Rabbit a while ago, and Jimmy knows when to say "stop thief!" and "kertyshoo!" and when we get to the end he'll say "again"- so it's clear that he likes the story of the cheeky rabbit.

In general Jimmy doesn't spend much time watching anything, and it's really only been a few days, and Jimmy is really good about the limits - no Peter Rabbit before Daddy goes to work and not after Daddy returns. It is sowing a very important seed in Jimmy's mind: that having a bed all his own will make him just a bit like Peter Rabbit.

The DVD is from the library, and it will have to go back at some stage, and we'll deal with that when the time comes. Hopefully the book will do, until we borrow it again. And we will, because sometimes it's ok to have employ the DVD baby-sitter.

I'm a mum and that means...

That I'll answer the door in my PJs if you come around before 11 am, because chances are I haven't been out of bed for more than 3 hours, Jimmy is probably still in his PJs, most likely we have no plans to leave the house before lunch, and it never occurs to me "make myself presentable" while hanging around my own home.

Even as a non-mum, the idea of wearing makeup around the house, just so that I looked "presentable" if someone came to the door, seemed silly. Combined with hardly ever wearing makeup and rarely putting my hair up in anything but a bun, it really shouldn't surprise anyone that I usually don't manage to get out of my PJs or yoga pants until after Jimmy has gone down for his nap.

At least, that's how it's been all winter. My routine is overdue for a shake up, and we need to get back into the habit of going to playgroup, but for those mornings when we'll be home until Jimmy brings me shoes and says "go outside", I'll answer the door in my PJs, even at 11 am. No apologies. Who's with me?

Quick reads...

I was putting this list together and realised that it looks like I'm trying to justify being a stay-at-home mum. I'm not. The only justification I need is Jimmy: he is such a confident, inquisitive, observant, and funny little boy. Michael makes the most of the time he was with Jimmy too, and our decision to have me at home this year has been worth it but the reward is not financial. Part of me thinks I needed this time to heal emotionally after Jimmy's birth and the best way to do that was to spend time with my bubba. Part of me always wanted to spend the first year at home with each of my babies (we only have the one), and I am now happy to return to the workforce, or have another baby. Plus we're a very, very long way from home and it felt important to keep Jimmy close...

Anyway! Hope you're having a lovely weekend!

20 reasons why every breastfeeding mother should cover up.

I love this piece on nursing in NYC.

Five things you should never say to a stay-at-home parent.*

And while we're on the topic of stay-at-home parents, we're not a 'luxury'.

Plus, what a stay-at-home parent is worth.

An amazing find for science.

A sweet little birth story from Brisbane.

Words of warning (and a good laugh) for mothers of boys

Feeling the heat? I planned to share these three a few weeks ago, but didn't manage it so: Hudson River in deep freeze; the cold freezes everything; Polar vortex brings the coldest weather in decades.

And for a dose of cute: Baby chameleons!

Happy Pi Day! Did you celebrate it?



*If anyone can think of 5 things to never say to duel income parents, please let me know! I'm going to start with: why do both of you work, if you don't have to?


(Baby chameleons via A Cup of Jo)

The Currawongs Playground turns one!

We're one today! It's been a whole year since I posted this. Can you believe it? It's a little crazy.

It's also a little scary because it means that we are moving closer and closer to our departure date, unless Michael is offered another year here... I am looking forward to going home, it is just a little nerve-wracking to have no work lined up, and a little mouth with a big belly... Anyway...

The whole reason I started this blog was so that I could share our adventures (and misadventures) with family and friends back home, plus have a nice record of Jimmy's first year(s). I know I haven't shared absolutely every (this blogging thing takes time and energy), there is one story that needs to be here, but it just hasn't made it: Jimmy's birth story.

I've been thinking about sharing it for some time, but didn't manage to during the week of his birthday - I think I ran out of energy. Not long after he was born I wrote 2-3 versions of Jimmy's birth. Writing it was very theraputic at the time, sharing it was even more so, and hearing other birth stories also helped put things in perspective. I now have over 18 months of perspective and look back at those heady, hormonal days fondly, although I'll be the first to admit that birth hormones play tricks on birthing mothers minds...

Please be aware that I might get into some medical detail that will either a) gross you out or b) make you cranky because I've related some medical thingy wrong. If it's the latter, I should point out that I'm an ecologist, not a doctor, and this was my experience, my perception (with some details filled in by Michael and our midwife), and things might be different in your part of the world.

Oh and there may be a picture or two with blood in it - this is a birth story! And if you want a bit of a spoiler, check out this photo...

This is the birth story of Jimmy-bubba. 

Even more snow!

For a change, it snowed during the day, and it started just before Jimmy and I left to have lunch with Michael. It snowed while we were having lunch, and it continued to snow until some time after Jimmy and I returned home.

 
He took a little convincing, but after 30 minutes of saying "no, cold" I managed to change Jimmy's tune to "snow, mitten" and we went outside and played in the snow.

Playing in the snow often involves Jimmy collecting handfuls of snow, and throwing them at me, and Michael and I doing the same - today it was just me throwing snow at Jimmy, followed by requests for "more" snowballs to be thrown at him.

Jimmy was right, it was cold, but so was I, because it was worth going outside to play in the snow.

Being outside made me forget about how crab-y I was becoming with Jimmy, it cleared my head of the vacuum cleaner dust that had recently filled the living room, and it helped Jimmy forget about vacuuming for 20 minutes or so. I am a little over Jimmy's obsession with vacuuming, but it does keep him occupied when the days are too cold or wet to spend much time running around outside.

Jimmy's obsession with pine cones, on the other hand, is something I fully support, because we're usually outside when he points them out. I'm sure I did something to start this obsession...

Jimmy has become so confident in his walking in the snow while bundled up against the cold. Admittedly the snow wasn't very thick today, and he was only wearing thin layers under his suit, but he's no longer falling over for the first 5 minutes when we do go out in the snow.

I love the snow: the way it floats through the air; the sound and feel of it underfoot; the way it sits on tree branches; how the place is quieter when it snows; Jimmy's little footprints; the way the landscape changes; and best of all, I love the way it catches the light - there's just something magical about it.

We both enjoyed being outside, walking around in the snow. Yes, it was cold, but it wasn't too cold and the fresh air was lovely. Jimmy and I returned home smiling and happy to be back in the warmth of our apartment,

Too low for zero...

Last week was a really tough one over here at the Playground... The functional unit that is our little family suffered as one member was really, really sick, and that member was me: I came down with the flu or something like it rather suddenly last Monday, and it took the wind right out of my sails, so to speak.

There was going to be no leaving the house until I was well... and we had skipped the weekly shop, with the intention that Jimmy and I would do it in dribs and drabs, but that wasn't going to happen. Not while I was heavily congested, sore all over, and feverish. So, it was going to be a week of eating what we had in the house, unless Michael happened to do some shopping...

Did we survive? Yes. Reasonably well actually, but:

• I slept or was in bed at almost every opportunity over the past week, while somehow managing to keep up Jimmy's toilet training (more soon), and get dirty clothes and nappies washed and dried, possibly even folded and put away... Feeding Jimmy was a tricky task because I had little to no appetite, and somehow Jimmy wasn't too fussed (until we ran out of bananas...), and somehow I was still producing enough milk for him... 

• Jimmy vacuumed and investigated the vacuum for most of the week, the poor boy didn't get outside once from Monday to Friday, and he also put in some really good snoring at night. And during his daytime nap too, which would go for over 2 hours some days, especially if I was napping too, so he might have been a little sick too - no, he wasn't, he was too energetic...

• Michael was running on very little sleep (who can sleep while there are TWO snorers in the same room?), running out the door not long after we woke up (sunrise is around 7:35 or later, and our room faces north-west), returning home in the dark, only to have me disappear into the bedroom, leaving him with an energetic Jimmy and dinner prep. And the dishes. And bath duty. And story time.

Michael deserves an award for being a real champion last week.

But it was tough, because we lack the kind of community we'd built up in Brisbane, and we are far away from family. It was tough because I couldn't call up family and friends and ask them to take Jimmy for a few hours, so that I might get some more sleep - the few friends I do have here either aren't familiar enough with Jimmy or have small children of their own, and I wasn't interested spreading the ickiness. It was tough because we're too far away to ask my Dad (aka Pop) over for a few days to cook for us, so that Michael can have a break, even if it's only for 20 minutes.

We've had broken sleep, called family at 2:30 am, and were all out of honey, oranges, bananas, fresh vegetables, and frozen pizzas by Thursday because getting to the shops in the evenings was a little beyond us (it's cold, we don't have a car, and I wasn't going to ask Michael to go out after a long day at work - I was sick, not unreasonable (I hope)). What little sunlight we might have had was obscured by clouds, and it was too cold to go out anyway... At least the K-State dairy was open, so Michael could get some eggs and milk on his lunchbreak. And we had emergency backup foods, for just this sort of thing... And a package arrived, with two presents for Jimmy and a Christmas cake*.

The ultimate outcome is that we have a stronger resolve to be back in Australia by May 2015. Being this far from home is ok, while we're ok and well, but I haven't been so sick in years and I haven't been so drained since my first trimester with Jimmy, so last week we were not ok, and we wanted to go home...

Then on Friday afternoon the sun came out for about an hour, and it was warm enough for me to open up the place, and Michael had made some good science happen, and my congestion was going, so our week ended on a higher note than it started.

And on Saturday Michael took Jimmy outside, while I stayed in bed, still too heavy of head and body to move, but I was no longer congested. Sunday saw us make it to the shops, we even bought some felt to make some decorations for the Winter Solstice.

We still want to go home, but now that we're feeling a little more "I'm still standing" than "Too low for zero" since we have caught up a little on sleep and the rational parts of our brains are coming back online. We know that the days will soon be getting longer, and that staying here another year will be ok. Not necessarily ideal, but better for Michael's sciencing and better for my uterus** because we'll be waiting until we're back in Australia before having baby #2.

And now that I'm pretty much back on my feet, there's work to do: the freezer needs restocking with hearty meals; Michael's vest needs finishing (I'm sooo close!); there's my sister's visit to prepare for; Jimmy is going to need a bigger beanie before winter is through, but he needs socks first; and there are Solstice and Christmas preparations to get under way... Phew! That's actually a long list of things to do.



*My Aunty L makes Christmas cakes for the whole family in June/July, so that's probably at least 3 cakes each year. This year she made at least 4 cakes - and she sent us one, and it's a little piece of home, and it almost wouldn't be Christmas without it.
**I really need to put Jimmy's birth story up...

My tongue hurts...

Today a friend took Jimmy and me to spend some time at the local gymnastics hall, that opens its door to young children and their carers for $5 (possibly per child, not sure). For an hour and a half the children can run around on the soft springy floors, bounce on trampolines, climb, tumble, and crawl around, and swim in the foam block pool (it probably has a technical name...). I left the camera at home because Jimmy has been a little clingy of late (molars are coming in... soo.... slowwly), and I wanted to just be there with him and our friends. We'll be heading back at some point, but what I want to share has less to do with Jimmy and more to do with an interaction I had with a woman there...

This woman is a grandmother of two boys. One is a little older than Jimmy, the other one is a mere 3 months old and was all the wide eyed, smiley, and chubby limbed. She was doing a pretty good job of keeping both of them happy.

There was a particularly squishy spot and she had tried to carry both boys across... but that wasn't happening, so she'd put down the little one (most children there were actually really good at the whole physical-awareness/not-running-over-little-ones thing). Jimmy headed over in that direction and was looking at the little one*, and she and I started talking.

The grandmother started telling me how her daughter had been able to take a long maternity leave, and was now managing to work 2 days at her workplace and do the rest at home...

So, my mind was reeling... "long maternity leave" and the baby is only 3 months old... "long..." but I had to remind myself that the US has really poor maternity leave, if it has any, and if it does, it wouldn't be paid.

And because of this long maternity leave the baby was "addicted to breast milk"...

I bit my tongue. ADDICTED TO BREAST MILK? AT 3 MONTHS? ARE YOU JOKING?!!! It's the ONLY food babies need at that age**!!

At 17 months, Jimmy could be considered to be addicted to breast milk, but he's still younger than the international average weaning age (WHO), so you know, whatevs, but 3 months? Addicted to breast milk? That's how it should be!

Oh...

It wasn't long before Jimmy and I moved away and on to the next thing. A little while later, Jimmy pointed to my chest requesting boobie. Yep. He's addicted to breast milk. I could have gone to our bag and given him a snack, but my milk producing breasts were right there.

...

I'm not judging this grandmother exclusively, I'm judging the mainstream attitudes to breastfeeding in the USA and the lack of support that is available for mothers to breastfeed their babies to 6 months, and even 12 months. There are states here where breastfeeding in public is not allowed or only when certain criteria are met. Even our GP here bemoans the low rates of breastfeeding in the US, and basically gave me a pat on the back for making it to 12 months, and I'm sure he thinks I'm an oddity, in that I'm still breastfeeding Jimmy.

Something very wrong took place in this country 20-30 years ago, and it's still going on, and it results in people thinking a 3 month old is addicted to its natural food source... And no, this grandmother wasn't joking because she went on to tell me how little he'd taken from the bottle and there was no humour in her tone.

I bit my tongue because I didn't want to create a scene, because I didn't know the whole story, because I'm a foreigner, and because I didn't want to be on the receiving end of a "well, what would you know?" tirade. Clearly the whole interaction still bothers me, because I'm writing about it.

I wish all mothers had access to 12 months maternity leave, good information regarding breastfeeding, and good support networks so that they can breastfeed (almost exclusively) to 6 months and for as long as they want afterwards. Is that too much to ask, or are my own choices and decisions affecting my perception of motherhood?

It's not always easy being a stay-at-home-mum. It's not always fun. Yet, I can do without the shiny things I might be able to buy if I happened to be doing paid work, because Jimmy is turning into a wonderful little person, even if he is a boobie monster who may never wean because he is addicted to breast milk, an addiction that started very young, and it's an addiction I am happy to accommodate (for now...). I wish others could be as happy as I am when babies are addicted to things that are good for them...

Yeah... my tongue hurts.


*It was actually a little crazy to see Jimmy with a 3 month old, because he's just so much bigger and yet he was that little once upon a time... Oh my heart...

**It is, but if you're reading this, and you have/have had issues with supply and are using/have used formula, please know that I would do the same if I had to.

No Jimmy, don't...

This is one of the last road trip related posts that I mentioned in Part 6. This is not an easy post for me to publish. Just typing it up, from what I wrote at the time, has brought back all the emotions I felt that day. I don't want to share the following story. I want to forget that the following ever took place, but I can't and that's probably a good thing, because remembering will keep me focused and mindful of where Jimmy is no matter how many other family members are around, no matter how many eyes can look at him.

So, I am sharing this learning experience, because it is part of my journey as a mother. The emotions I experienced are experienced by mothers all over the world, including my own mum (aka Granny), so that's another reason to share this experience... Not that any of this makes it easier to share... Well, here it is...

There are 3 phrases I repeat over and over during the day. These phrases are:

• I love you Jimmy-bubba
• Good boy Jimmy
• No Jimmy, don't... 

I don't like saying the last one, but I say it. I say it a lot some days. I don't like saying it, but sometimes I have to. Sometimes I wish I didn't have to say it, because Jimmy should know by now that he shouldn't do the thing I'm telling him not to do or that he isn't allowed to do it. But on the Sunday we had at Goose Island, Day 12 of our road trip, I said those words and my heart stopped.

My heart stopped and I anticipated the crying, the running into the Mississippi, followed by a trip to the ER and burns unit... the scars... the guilt... the constant, everlasting guilt...

The constant guilt that our parenting style and confidence in Jimmy had allowed him the space to go from playing with an empty pot and cup to investigating the fire pit. Unnoticed, unsupervised, unhindered.

I had only just checked on him. Turned my back, focused on what I was doing for a minute or two before something made me turn around and look for my little boy. And there he was, barefoot at the firepit with one hand on the old metal wheel and the other holding a big stick, poking around in the coals.

"No Jimmy, don't..."

The words came out, my heart stopped, and Jimmy just gave me a look that said "What? Nothing's wrong, I'm just investigating this thing, that all of you spend so much time looking at and poking. What's not ok?"

Luckily it had been a few hours since there had been an active fire. Luckily the old truck wheel, used to contain the fire, was cold. Luckily I turned around when I did, before Jimmy had tried to handle the ashes and hot coals... Oh so lucky...

No crying, no ER, only a shaken mum and a little boy wondering why his mummy was so upset that he had been investigating...

I'm filing the experience under: Parenthood, learning, lucky... 

Frank Anneberg Park...

Last week, Jimmy and I went to Frank Anneberg Park with some friends for a play and a walk. It was a little windy but not too cold for the rugged up little ones.

It's a really nice park and the play area is all fenced in and no dogs are allowed, so it's safe for little ones to just run around (although when the children are still as little as Jimmy and his friends, us mummies/mommies were never far from our little ones). In the first photo there are Canadian Geese, on their way south... because winter is coming.

Even with winter coming, there are still trees holding on to their leaves... just a few trees, unless you count the evergreens.

Jimmy tried out the swing, which wasn't quite the right size for him, but he still enjoyed it.

High clouds, jet stream, baseball fields, leaf-less trees, and the fence separating the playground from the rest of the park.

Once the little ones had had their fun (read: were clinging to us, no longer playing, giving every indication that they needed naps), we went for a walk, with the little ones in baby carriers or pram.

With dry leaves on the ground and a chill in the air, we kept up a good pace and ended up with sleeping or sleepy bubs. It was a lovely morning!

Our friends dropped us home and all I could think of was a hot cup of something, even though the day was warming up and absolutely lovely. Jimmy had other ideas. Apparently he was sick of being inside (he was cooped up most of last week due to his cold), so he ate his morning tea outside our apartment and encouraged me to spend more time outside. It was lovely, and when I eventually managed to get him upstairs, Jimmy had a really, really big nap. Here's to hoping for a mild winter, so that I can keep taking Jimmy outside, because he's loving it.